I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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