Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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