Screwed.edu
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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