idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize