I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
