Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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