I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
