What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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