On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
