What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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