i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
