He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize