i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Who died my cat blue again?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
