What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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