Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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