In the future we'll all be gay
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
