Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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