Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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