i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
