you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Randomize
