I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
