i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
