i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
