i may or may not be watching the land before time
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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