I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
