I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize