THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
