I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
my liver is dry heaving
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
