Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
