you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
