bring money and cleavage
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
