In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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