had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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