I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
