I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize