Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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