Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
