"it" just moved
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
