you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
