Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
