Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
