Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think I sprained my soul last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
