Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
