We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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