Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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