I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
