you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
