I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
