I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
