I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
