the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
