3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
