I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
They have beer where we have blood.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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