@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
