can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize