She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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