she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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