my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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