I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
