Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
